December 7, 2015

Suddenly, Activity!

Filed under: Beak Affairs — Johnny @ 7:56 pm

Hi folks. On the off chance that any of our ten or so listeners still drop by to check on this site, what’s up?

Sure is a cryptic post just under this one, isn’t it?

Even more significant than that, it’s one I don’t remember writing. I mean, sure, maybe I wrote it years ago and scheduled it to post today, then forgot about it in the intervening time. That’s entirely possible. That even sounds like something I’d do.

It’s also possible we’ve fallen victim to the world’s most polite-yet-unsubtle hacker. If that’s the case, then dude. Word of advice. You don’t leave a calling card on the front page and then let it sit there for 90 minutes without doing anything else. That’s just poor form. You didn’t even change my password! Here I am, worried that I’ve been locked out of my site, but nope. Except for that one little post, nothing.

There’s also a fair chance that this was just some kind of WordPress maintenance, and I’m talking to nobody right now.

Well played, WordPress. Well played.

See Spot Try

Filed under: Uncategorized — Johnny @ 6:09 pm

This is how sausage gets made.

It’s tasty and nutritious.

March 30, 2014

Episode 158: The Origin of the World

Filed under: Breakfast with the Beak — Johnny @ 7:30 am

It’s the end of our show, and the beginning of everything! We’re telling the story of the the star stuff that makes up all of us, the generations of stars where those atoms were forged, and the pile of hot rocks that we ended up calling home. And we get in a few last shots at organized religion, proprietary hardware, and terrible rap names. We were trying to be positive, but the rest of the world wasn’t making it easy.

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March 23, 2014

Episode 157: Topic Rodeo!

Filed under: Breakfast with the Beak — Johnny @ 7:29 am

It’s our penultimate episode, so we’re cleaning house! That means going through every topic left on the list and giving each of them the 8 to 12 seconds of attention they deserve. And why stop there? We’re also revealing the contents of our top-secret emergency topics list, reviewing all 156 previous episodes, and – against our better judgment! – reviving a couple recurring characters. Everything we haven’t gotten around to doing yet, we do! You’re welcome.

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March 16, 2014

Episode 156: Strong Bad Email

Filed under: Breakfast with the Beak — Johnny @ 7:34 am

Hey, remember Strong Bad? If you do, have we got the show for you! If you don’t, you’re going to learn a lot today. We’re taking a voyage through internet history to a time when Homestar Runner ruled the world! When word of mouth mattered more than insincere retweets! When we hadn’t yet squandered the promise of new technology! So tune in and find out why your modern conception of fandom is shameful.

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March 9, 2014

Episode 155: Wesley Willis

Filed under: Breakfast with the Beak — Johnny @ 7:34 am

Well, it doesn’t get much further from Taylor Swift than this. We’re taking a harmony joy ride with a rock ‘n’ roll prophet, searching for meaning in the music of Wesley Willis. Willis taught us all how to battle demons through obscene bestiality ballads and unfiltered autobiography, and we’re passing that knowledge on to any listeners who might still be in the dark. Outsider art! Impromptu commercials! The triumph of the human spirit! Where else will you get that?

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March 2, 2014

Episode 154: Taylor Swift

Filed under: Breakfast with the Beak — Johnny @ 7:33 am

We’re venturing outside our demographic, and Taylor Swift is our guide! Can we learn anything from America’s pop-country sweetheart? Or will we just make a bizarre web of connections between her, Michael Bay, J.K. Rowling, Stephen King, and all her ex-boyfriends and then insist it all makes sense? Guaranteed to contain zero Taylor Swift songs; just clips. So don’t worry!

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February 23, 2014

Episode 153: Ebola

Filed under: Breakfast with the Beak — Johnny @ 7:37 am

This week, we’re trying to wring humor out of a really scary disease that we don’t know all that much about. And that should be fun, right? We trace the history of the Ebola virus from its humble origins to its brush with fame in the 1990s and beyond, and develop acute hypochondria in the process. Will we somehow include a lengthy digression about juggalos? You know us so well.

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February 16, 2014

Episode 152: The Keebler Elves

Filed under: Breakfast with the Beak — Johnny @ 7:35 am

In a hollow tree somewhere, elves are baking cookies with magic. At least that’s what Keebler’s commercials would have us believe. It’s a journey into the world of advertising, the darkest corners of fandom, and the office where they decide how many spider parts can legally go into your food. Plus a bunch of crap about sad message boards and an attempt to sell cookies to adults for a change!

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February 9, 2014

Episode 151: Dollywood

Filed under: Breakfast with the Beak — Johnny @ 7:32 am

We’re headed down south (in spirit) to pay a visit to Dollywood, the Dolly Parton-est place on Earth! Will we avoid the obvious jokes? Actually yes, because there’s a whole lot more to talk about. It turns out Dollywood is a magical place full of grannies and taters, old-timey craftsmen and a man named Big Skillet. So grab some ham ‘n’ beans, put on your poofiest wig, and join us in a town that is actually called Pigeon Forge.

Oh, and if you’d like to follow along with us, a map of the park is available at Dollywood’s official website.

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