Bristol Palin apparently had her baby. At least, that’s what People is reporting and Fox is referring to. I normally don’t consider either of these to be terribly respectable news sources, but I couldn’t resist writing about this. Not because of the birth itself, but because the baby’s name is Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston.

Let’s take another look at that. Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston.

Tripp. With two P’s on the end there. It’s viable as a last name — just ask Bill Clinton — but as a first name, a name people will be calling this child for the rest of his life, it must give us pause. “Tripp.” Like what you do when there’s a rock on the sidewalk, or LSD in your system. In other words, it’s a little bit dangerous, but also kind of kooky and fun.

Which is to say, it is a name fit for a wisecracking supernatural detective, circa 1987. He’ll stake the crap out of those vampires while insulting their mothers and keeping his rat tail immaculately styled at all times! Look out, creatures of the night — Tripp Johnston is on the case! Moving on.

Easton. Again, perfectly lovely if it’s somebody’s last name, or the name of a town or something. Maybe Bristol Palin once drove through a town called Easton, and decided that she would somehow work it into her baby’s name. Maybe that’s how the family picks names for its kids — Sarah saw some fancy drawing paper, or a tree, or a math textbook, and decided to name her children after those things. Good for them. I look forward to hearing about her eventual grandchildren: Aspirin, Cable, Fresno, Helmett (with two T’s), and Dr. Pepper.

Mitchell. This one is a real name. It took her three tries before she found one, but she finally did. I have no complaints.

Johnston. Again, no real complaints. It’s the kid’s last name, which he shares with his father, 18-year-old Levi Johnston, who may or may not still be planning to marry Bristol next year. By giving her baby Levi Johnston’s last name, Bristol Palin has virtually guaranteed that Levi will start appearing on “Where Are They Now?” shows in about ten years. Way to go.

All in all, a very silly name, as seems to be the tradition in the Palin family. And it is a family tradition, and not just a general “Alaska thing.” My cousin got married to a guy from Alaska, and his name was Brian. His brothers and sisters and nephews all have equally unexciting names.

And so the story of Bristol Palin’s politically inconvenient pregnancy concludes along with the year, as though the whole world decided that it, and the whole Palin fiasco, was best left in 2008. I hope the baby is healthy, and that he will stay the hell off the news from now on.