I’ve long had an aversion to big family holidays. It has little to do with my actual family; they can be irritating at times, but it’s nothing worth getting estranged over. However, they all live far enough away that I have to deal with airports, and none of them live anywhere warm. As such, the holidays force me to spend my time and money making my way through winter traffic in at least two cities, and usually three or four, depending on how many people we’re visiting that year. It doesn’t help that, as non-religious as they are for the rest of the year, the holidays bring out the urge to start praying at every fucking opportunity, while I stand there hoping nobody notices I’m not really into it.

So this year, I took the holidays off. The whole season, from Thanksgiving to New Year’s, is going to be free of travel, gift-giving, and Jesus-based silliness. And I must say, so far, it’s been quite pleasant. There’s nobody to wake me up at 5:00 AM because we need to drive to Michigan to see relatives, nobody to tell me stories about other people’s kids, nobody to make me stop watching Ralphie because it’s time to open presents.

I suppose there should be a lesson in here somewhere. I should learn that spending Christmas alone is actually sad and horrible, and that the only thing that kept this holiday from completely sucking was the love of my family. But the fact is, I haven’t had to listen to “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” even once this year. (Please note, that cartoon is not by me.) I control the music! And the TV! And the PlayStation, even though I wasn’t really going to use it today. The point is, I could.

I get to cook food that I like, instead of the unevenly-heated ham that has become a family tradition. I don’t have to hear my uncle’s upsettingly graphic questions about my sex life. I get to blow off writing the second half of my Rick Warren rant until at least the 26th (that one isn’t really related to Christmas, but it’s still something I’m happy about). And I don’t have to worry about fitting a bunch of new books and sweaters into my suitcase for the trip home.

For most people, our holidays and vacations require us to face more obligations, more deadlines, and more stress than our normal lives. The fact is, if Christmas was more convenient, I wouldn’t hesitate to join in the celebration. If I lived a bit closer to my family, or if the atmosphere was a bit more welcoming, I probably wouldn’t feel the need to skip the holiday. Hell, if we just postponed Christmas to May, when we could be promised slightly more forgiving weather, that would be good enough for me.

Until I can convince the entire world to reschedule the year’s biggest holiday, though, we’ll have to make do with taking a year off every now and then. Happy Holidays, and good luck getting that fucking hippo song out of your heads.