I don’t know where he or his team finds the time, but somewhere in-between building a new cabinet, puzzling over the economy, closing Gitmo, writing a speech, inspiring millions, and picking a fucking dog, Barack Obama has begun to make plans for the revitalization of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration. With, one might say, some decidedly complicated results. On the table are a fleet of old rockets about to be thrown onto the scrap heap, a completed International Space Station, conflicting designs for the next phase of American spacecraft, tensions with Russia, a possible collaboration with the Pentagon, and most exciting of all, the prospect of competition with the Chinese space program. And I say “exciting” because international competition is the only thing that ever made NASA worth a damn.

Yeah, we’ve got some groovy robots running around on Mars now. But if you leave out Spirit, Opportunity, and Phoenix, it becomes evident that NASA has really sucked ass ever since the U.S.S.R. collapsed. Some of this is due to a lack of funding, and some of this is due to a general lack of enthusiasm on the part of the public and the last few presidents. (Come on, you didn’t really think Bush was serious about Mars, did you?) And the culmination of this lengthy bout of apathy is a dangerous 4-year gap when the Space Shuttle program will officially end in the middle of 2010. The final missions for Atlantis, Discovery, and Endeavour will all focus on getting the International Space Station finished, after which the ships will presumably meet their final resting places in a museum. NASA’s replacement system, the Orion spacecraft and the Ares launcher, are currently scheduled for their maiden voyage in September of 2014. In the meantime, it’s generally assumed that we’ll be entrusting the safety of our astronauts to the Russian space program. So don’t expect anyone to raise too much of a fuss if Putin and Medvedev decide to invade Georgia again.

As an alternative, it has been suggested that NASA use the Atlas V and Delta IV rockets which the U.S. military already uses to deploy its spy satellites into orbit, at least until the Ares design is complete. The idea of NASA using parallel military technology appears to have sparked an idea in the mind of our apparently very pragmatic new president. Or maybe it was in ‘07 when China demonstrated their ability to shoot down an orbiting satellite from the ground that did it. Either way, what we find is that Barack Obama is considering merging NASA with the Department of Defense.

Now let’s stop and think about that for a moment, because putting the Pentagon in charge of our space program has a lot of implications, both worrying and encouraging. NASA in its classic incarnation has been purely scientific in nature. It’s also been chronically under-funded. The Defense Department, meanwhile, is the nerve center of the Military Industrial Complex, which is notoriously well-funded. The military also gets advanced technology years, sometimes decades, before civilians do. So we’re talking about giving our space program more money and more state-of-the-art equipment than ever before. This would, in theory, increase our chances of visiting, exploring, maybe even colonizing outer space significantly faster. But it also means putting all the space power in the hands of the military, which increases our chances of conquering outer space significantly faster. Granted, I wasn’t expecting those fossilized worms to put up much of a fight.

Wow, you know, I just realized what a bastard I’m being. Obama doesn’t even start being the first black President of the United States until tomorrow, and I’m already nominating him to be the first Human Galactic Emperor. Ah, well. Have a good Inauguration Day tomorrow, Mr. New President. We can start terraforming Mars next week.