A few days ago, Horatio introduced you to the Bacon Man. Today, I’d like you to meet his violent, heart-stopping cousin, the Bacon Explosion.

Go read that. I’ll still be here when you get back from the hospital.

Yes, the Bacon Explosion, essentially a giant sausage, filled with and wrapped in bacon. Everything I know tells me I should be disgusted by this. No matter how delicious bacon is, I know this object is terrifying, and quite possibly pure evil. I know that it is not so much a foodstuff but a weapon to be unleashed upon the arteries of your foes.

But damn it, I kinda want to make one. The issue is, I don’t own a smoker, or even know what one is, beyond some vague memories of stuff I’ve seen on the Food Network while stoned. Should I just abandon this insane plan, or should I attempt to improvise something in my apartment’s tiny kitchen? And if I do make one, should I liveblog it?

In other bacon news, Mike Nelson (of MST3K fame) has vowed to eat nothing but bacon for the entire month of February. I admire his spirit, but I can’t help feeling like he wussed out by choosing the shortest month for this bold experiment.

Also, I’m kind of worried he might die.