This week, we got an offer from a company that wanted to sponsor a topic... and it immediately fell apart, and we wound up discussing the topic for free like a couple of chumps. Which means you get your household cleaning tips without any pesky advertisements! You'll learn why you should never let cows into your home, why you should never combine drugs and sledgehammers, and how I came to be obsessed with artisan root beers.
Oh, and Doktor Socksenberg's in this one. You're welcome.
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Women be shoppin', right guys? Seriously, we're asking. We aren't entirely sure. Are those men on the benches at the mall really waiting around for their wives, or are they just there for a Cinnabon and a little me-time? And can we stay on-topic long enough to figure it out? Of course not; we need to talk about why the "Lorax" movie is blasphemous, and then offer Regis an absurd new job.
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Danger: Diabolik! It's been a long-running comic book, an infamous movie, an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000, and -- in our overactive imaginations -- a really amazing crossover episode of Archer. And despite all that, you've probably never heard of it. Listening to this episode won't really help you with that, but we do have some ideas for that Munsters reboot you've been reading about! We promise they're better that whatever show is actually being made.
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All right, get the obligatory nocturnal emission jokes out of the way. Done? Good, because that's not what this show is about. This show is about the people who line up on the sidewalk to buy stuff as early as humanly possible. And weirdly enough, we don't judge them. We have no problems with people doing this. No, our issue is with the shittiness of the things they're paying for, from 3D movies to first-person shooters. Oh, and we take some time to promote a video game called Dragon Punch Joe, which will totally exist someday.
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A guitar can make you a rock n' roll god, but in the wrong hands it can ruin an otherwise great party. So how can we learn to spot the difference? Can a musical instrument be inherently cool or uncool? Can a staton wagon? If you pound on a bike helmet, does it really become a drum? Why haven't college-aged acoustic guitar guys learned any new songs since 2002? We ask! And we confirm that music will suck in the future, beginning later tonight at the Super Bowl.
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Another week, another Big Damn Question. This time, we're trying to figure out when it's appropriate to swallow all the pills in your cupboard at once. So tune in, because this episode has something to offend nearly everyone. And that's not just marketing bullshit; this episode is actually pretty horrifying. From suicide to British tabloids to lifelike boy-robots that electrocute pedophiles, you're sure to find something that will piss you off!
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Generations of nerds have been told they will inherit the Earth someday, while their tormentors will end up mopping floors and pumping gas. But is there the slightest chance that real life works that way? We plan on getting to the bottom of that, mostly by examining the mediocrity of the world around us. Why do rich guys have such horrible nicknames? What sort of shoes are appropriate to wear on a yacht? Were primitive humans tormented by crafty lizardmen? We ask!
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Running with scissors. It's the classic childhood safety hazard, and the cornerstone of lazy jokes about mental illness. Are we going to talk about any of that? Kind of. But we're pretty distracted, because the Governor of Mississippi just let a bunch of murderers out of jail for, like, no reason, and that's way more interesting. Also for no reason: massive spoilers for the most recent season of Breaking Bad.
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Truck Nuts! Scourge of the highways and back roads of this great nation! A stunning display of virility to one's fellow motorists! Or maybe just some silly crap to stick on your car when your pissing Calvin sticker starts to lose its novelty. Whatever the case, we're going to figure it out and still find time to tell a surprisingly detailed story about the Pope's penis. Seriously, where else will you hear that today?
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So many things start with the letter U! For example, "Uhhhhh," which we say quite a few times while we try to work out where the hell to go with this topic. But that's a good thing, because it's New Year's Day, and you don't need too much excitement or noise when you're hung over. And we talk about hobos! Come on! You know you're curious about that.
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