Campaign 2008. A canned response for every occasion. Pundits manufacturing ridiculous scandals from thin air. Enough candidates to form a P-Funk cover band. And more than a year before it’s all over.
We at the Beak will probably end up endorsing whoever the Democratic Party nominates. But that doesn’t mean we can’t get pissed off at our own party. We can.
You see, there’s an unwritten law on the campaign trail which states that Democrats have to pretend they don’t have any good ideas in order to seem “serious” and “electable.” This is, for lack of a better term, fucking moronic. Bush’s approval rating is as low as it’s gonna get, and Americans are angry at Congress for their failure to lay the smack down on the Administration.
“What we need,” I mused to myself, “is a brutally honest candidate. This candidate wouldn’t have a hope in hell of winning, of course, but goddamn it would be awesome to watch him tell off reporters and call the other candidates on their bullshit.”
So we went out and found one, and thus was born Shadow Campaign 2008.
The Beak’s own Shadow Candidate will be along to cover this Presidential campaign, with a focus on cutting to the heart of each and every non-issue that gets trotted out to distract us. With any luck, he’ll bring a unique brand of Monday-morning quarterbackery to the proceedings, and probably find time to make fun of every single person on Fox News.
We’re getting an account set up for him as I type this. Once that’s taken care of, he can rain down satirical indignation on our hallowed electoral process, and hopefully be the sort of guy you wish you could vote for.
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