My fellow Americans,
I haven’t had much to say lately, but after receiving zero votes in Iowa and New Hampshire, I decided to drop out of the race and spend more time with my family. In this case, “family” means “pillowcase full of weed.” But a man can only watch “Superbad” so many times (41 by my count, 53 if you count the times I dozed off partway through). So now that the pillowcase is nearly half-empty and the weather is improving, I realized that, although I dropped out of the race two months ago, I never got around to telling anyone.
So, yeah. I’m out. I’ve been out. I wish the remaining candidates the best of luck, and offer my services to the highest bidder. Seriously. I will dose your opponent’s coffee.
|
