Truck Nuts! Scourge of the highways and back roads of this great nation! A stunning display of virility to one's fellow motorists! Or maybe just some silly crap to stick on your car when your pissing Calvin sticker starts to lose its novelty. Whatever the case, we're going to figure it out and still find time to tell a surprisingly detailed story about the Pope's penis. Seriously, where else will you hear that today?
So many things start with the letter U! For example, "Uhhhhh," which we say quite a few times while we try to work out where the hell to go with this topic. But that's a good thing, because it's New Year's Day, and you don't need too much excitement or noise when you're hung over. And we talk about hobos! Come on! You know you're curious about that.
Are we going to let the fact that it's literally Christmas day stop us from posting a new show? Hell no! It's not even a gimmicky holiday episode! No, we're celebrating the season by talking about our big plans for the end of the world, where we will make our living as dashing outlaws delivering Twinkies to hungry children. Does that sound more awesome than Christmas? Yes it does. Because it is.
It seems like Johnny Goodtimes never gets to finish his annual holiday rant. Remember a few years ago, when he was interrupted by the Christmas Ogres? This year he hired John Chimpo to help fend them off, but it seems Johnny's rant is no less secure, because John Chimpo must dance!
Do energy drinks work? Yes they do. Have we done semi-scientific experiments on ourselves using energy drinks? You know it. Do we have funny things to say about this topic? Probably. Join us in a magical world of extreme sports, questionable brand names, flying Englishmen, and rusty washtubs full of malt liquor, and we will answer all your questions about what the hell taurine actually does.
This week, some nefarious goings-on have forced us to talk about Tim Allen. What can Tim Allen teach us about modern American manhood? How much can we blame on him? And speaking of manly things, how long before we get distracted and start talking about that Rick Perry video? Have you seen that thing? That guy is such a tool! Also, we change the world. You're welcome.
What's your strategy for surviving the inevitable zombie apocalypse? Sure, you think you have a pretty good plan, but we're talking about it anyway because you asked. We damn "The Walking Dead" with faint praise, pitch a book to that lady who wrote "Twilight," and tell some stories about the weird phone calls we get from fans. And if you like "Gremlins 2," then boy do we have a reference for you!
It's Beatles vs. Stones day, and we're not wasting our time debating who the better band is... we're just putting them in a cage match and letting them fight it out! Did Ringo have Care Bear-style superpowers? What the hell were the Care Bears' powers anyway? When the hell did everyone's suitcases get so big? How are we tying all this back in with the Beatles again? Tune in and find out!
It's our Thanksgiving Spectacular, and our topic is... surge protectors. Do they work? Yes. With that out of the way, we're free to talk about pretty much everything else, whether that be frozen desserts shaped like real food, the stupid side of faster-than-light travel, or just some big-ass magnets. And if a whole bunch of guest stars show up, who are we to complain? That's what the holidays are for! Jerk.
Do you like social networking websites? We don't. They're fucking annoying, and hearken back to the early days of the internet when everything was filtered through shit like the old AOL interface. But hey, if you happen to participate in such things, then why not follow Breakfast With the Beak's official pages while you're at it?
Breakfast With the Beak on Google+
Breakfast With the Beak on Facebook
We honestly don't know if Google will ever succeed in killing Facebook, so we've got both covered. You can vote for which one sucks less by following us on your favorite. Or, hell, follow us on both if you're also a dedicated fence-sitter. The site which gets the most followers wins absolutely nothing. Enjoy!
Oh, also, we actually do really like Twitter. Follow Johnny and the Dok by clicking the links directly to the right of this post. See? See it over there? Yeah.
